The Future is Epidemic
by retrosimplicity
Summary: A disease is spreading like wild fire through the halls of CR University. This epidemic is some how related to cyborgs and only Stewart Fizzle can stop it. Or can he? Please R and R
1. A Morning in the Life of Stewart

**The Future is Epidemic**

_A Fanfic by Retrosimplicity_

_Written in Engrish_

As she was struck with a Japanese-flavored bullet she screamed, the sound of her ear-splitting voice piercing the night sky. Because it was the future. Losing control of her muscles, she saw rather than felt herself falling backward, smacking her head against the rain-soaked concrete with a thud. Her eyesight blurred, as rain drops and tears mixed on her face. It was all over, there was no going back. Her ghost was slipping away and there was nothing she could do, if only it hadn't happened that way…

Waking with a start and reflexively bolting upright, Stewart gasped for breath. What a nightmare, he thought. "Dancing teddy bears scare the hell out me," he said. "And milk."

_Insert Character Development here_

The next day, Stewart arrived late for his Animatronics Design Theory 105. "Late again, you little bitch," Prof. Martin uttered violently as Stewart dropped his book bag and took his seat. With confused looks on their faces, the other students eyed Stewart suspiciously. Prof. Martin smiled and called the class's attention by batting his robot cane against his desk. "Now then class, the word I have just uttered was from the first era of animatronics which we discussed last time. It was an expletive comparable to the 'X' word or the '9-T' word of today." Recognition played across the students' faces as he continued. "Of course, I would never use such foul language, I merely said it to demonstrate the example we were discussing when Mr. Fizzle interrupted…"

Meanwhile, Stewart had already laid his head on the desk and was dozing off. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night because of that awful dream. But what did it mean? It didn't matter now though, as his dreams turned instead to Yokuikoko-san, and her sensual, voluptuous body.

**_Fatal Error 86.7-53.09_**

**_Attempting re-boot…_**

The next day, Stewart arrived late for his Animatronics Design Theory 205. "Late again, you little bitch," Prof. Martin uttered violently as Stewart dropped his book bag and took his seat. With confused looks on their faces, the other students eyed Stewart suspiciously. Prof. Martin smiled and called the class's attention by batting his robot cane against his desk. "Now then class, the word I have just uttered was from the first era of animatronics which we discussed last time. It was an expletive comparable to the 'X' word or the '9-T' word of today." Recognition played across the students' faces as he continued. "Of course, I would never use such foul language, I merely said it to demonstrate the example we were discussing when Mr. Fizzle interrupted…"

Meanwhile, Stewart had already laid his head on the desk and was dozing off. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night because of that awful dream. But what did it mean? It didn't matter now though, as his dreams turned instead to Yokuikoko-san, and her sensual, voluptuous body. Too bad she was way out of his league. But that body…drool.

The thunderous smack of the robot cane against his desk awoke Stewart violently. "Care to enlighten us with the answer, Mr. Fizzle?" Stewart picked up his head off the table and shook the cobwebs out, realizing that his face and top of his shirt was moist with spittle. The entire class, all four of them, were staring at him.

"Um…because there is no camera, Sir?"

A look of shock and alarm played across the Professor's face, he turned on his heel to gaze at the projection on the board, then back again toward the class. "Brilliant Mr. Fizzle!" With a smile on his face, he slapped his robot cane against the table and continued with the lecture.

Gazing around the room with a mischievous grin on his face, it was then that Stewart noticed the new student in the back corner…

**_End Transmission_**


	2. A Fizzle Never Falls Flat

She had a strangely haunting face. And four arms. But this didn't faze him, because it was the future, and his last name was Fizzle, and a Fizzle "never goes flat", according to his father at least. Of course, that was before the fatal accident involving the two Mexican strippers and a bag of sand. The girl in the corner was staring straight at him, as if peering into his very soul. She had long black hair, and amazingly brown eyes. If it wasn't for the multiple arms, he would have thought she was hot. His mother had long ago told him…

"_Now son, if ever you meet a girl, before you fall in love with her, be sure that she doesn't have more upper-body strength than you. Always maintain the 'upper-hand' in a relationship, so to speak."_

"Thanks mom," he suddenly blurted out. The familiar smack of robot metal on desk awoke him from his stupor.

"God dammit boy, you get one question right and you're a goddamned delinquent all of a sudden. Of course class," He said turning to face the students, "those are more archaic terms, as we proved through the use of cyborg theologians in the third age of animatronics that god does not exist. Also, our moral ideas are laughable, but necessary. Now then, back to the theory of robot mati…"

Sometime later, Stewart was sitting in the cafeteria, munching on a Nutter-Butter, when all of a sudden he noticed someone staring at him. It was the same girl from before, and she had a blank look on her face and was once again gaping at him without shame. He decided to go back to his Nutter-Butter and the book he was reading; _Human Cyborg Relations: A Study by Serial #CZ-18999._ About ten minutes later he looked up again, and she was still staring at him, only this time she was holding a partially eaten cookie in each hand, and crumbs were falling out of her mouth as she chewed.

Confused, and a little bit disgusted, he went back to his reading. The topic for this chapter was "how to tell if your cyborg is losing its sanity". All of a sudden, someone slapped him right across the face, hard. The world slowed do almost a stand-still as his face was thrown violently from one side to the other, and then back again as another hand slapped him in the opposite direction. This time he emitted a low-pitched, sort of growling yap of pain as spit and blood came cascading out of his mouth.

"OW!" he screamed. "What'd you do that for?" to which he received another series of slaps. Stewart looked up to see the same girl that had been staring at him since that morning.

"Don't you talk ugly to me," came the reply. "I'm from…The Future!"

**_End Transmission_**


	3. Nutter Butters Aplenty

Suddenly Stewart heard some music in the back of his mind that sounded oddly dramatic and somewhat annoying.

"What? The Future?"

"Wait...no…I'm from…The Past!" Again he heard the dramatic music in his mind.

To this, Stewart became intrigued. Time travel had since been proven, during the second age of animatronics. Oddly enough, that was the one piece of trivia that he actually remembered from Prof. Martin's class. "Really? Cool!"

"No, actually I'm from New Jersey, but people seem more interested when I introduce myself that way. My name is Yonude-san." She slapped him once more for good measure.

"You're a bitch," he said, and then finished eating his Nutter-Butter calmly. "My name's Stewart. Why were you staring at me during Dr. Martin's lecture today?"

Her mood changed in an instant, no longer was she the strange, bitchy, four-armed loony she had been before. Instead, she now appeared firm and focused. "We can't talk here," she said in a low, Russian accent. "They may be listening."

Raising an eyebrow in utter confusion, Stewart asked, "Who might be listening?"

There was a long pause, in which Yonude-san eyed him viciously. "They are none other than…the…" abruptly she began to cough violently, as if choking on something. Her upper hands went to her throat as she gagged on an unknown object. Meanwhile, Stewart complacently munched on another Nutter-Butter, and took a swig of apple juice. He put the glass back on the table and covered his mouth, letting out a small burp

"Excuse me," he said. While this had been going on, Yonude-san continued to choke, her lower arms beginning to give her the Heimlich maneuver, until a tiny metal object came flying from her mouth. The spit covered object bounced off of Stewart's forehead before landing softly on the table.

Gasping for breath, Yonude-san grabbed the nearest butter knife and viciously attacked the object in question. It appeared to be an electrical object that shattered and sparked to death under Yonude-san's relentless attack. "Bastards must have been tracking me; I knew I shouldn't have spent the night in Arkansas."

Wiping the spittle from his face, Stewart took another sip of juice and began eating another Nutter-Butter. "What was that thing?" he asked, seemingly uninterested.

"Come with me," she said, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him from the cafeteria.

Sometime later, the two were sitting in Stewart's dorm room. The curtains were drawn and it was almost completely black. Yonude-san was pulling the curtains aside slightly and peering out into the world. She turned back to face Stewart, with tears in her eyes. "Oh Stewart!" she gasped, putting her four arms around him and burying her face in his chest. Stewart would have embraced her in return, but for the fact that his arms were pinned down.

"It'll be all right," he said, still not sure what was the matter in the first place. "Just dry those tears and tell me all about it."

"You're so kind Stewart," she replied, wiping her eyes on his shirt sleeve. "Thank you very much."

He sat her down on the futon that took up one wall in his room, pulled up a chair, and sat down across from her. "Now then, tell me all about it."

"Well," she said, sniffling. "I have been searching for you for a long time Stewart. Because…because you are the only hope for humanity."

"I don't understand, what's happening to humanity?" he asked, feeling a tightening in his chest. Ever since he was a little boy, he had had this feeling deep inside himself that he was destined for some great anthropological purpose. Finally it seemed, with the arrival of Yonude-san, that he would have his chance to fulfill that want, that unknown desire that had consumed his soul forever; the desire to amount to something.

"Humanity is being overrun…overrun, by Machines!"

End Transmission


	4. The Wrath of Mayonaise Pizza

Meanwhile, in an unrelated location, at an unrelated time, your everyday evil genius was sitting in a darkened room, contemplating his inevitable world domination…with machines.

_Note to reader: I'm pretty sure you've heard this trite sort of thing before, we've basically got your run of the mill evil mastermind trying to take over the world, in this instance with machines. He's got some kind of plot brewing, of which our "hero" is oblivious to and will inevitably fall for, blah blah blah. So to save time, I'm just going to assume that you can picture whatever type of evil guy you would like and leave at that. I'm going to skip ahead now to a point in time when our hero and his newfound damsel in distress have already consummated their relationship…numerous times. Again, in the interest of saving time, and my own lack of romance-plot creativity, I'm just going to assume you can fill in the details yourself._

Sometime later, Stewart was walking across campus when he felt a strange bubbling sensation in his stomach. Damn, he thought to himself, it must be that mayonnaise-flavored pizza. On his way to the restroom to shit himself silly, he ran into Yonude-san. "Hey hon, how are you doing today?" she asked cheerfully, waving her right arms at him.

"Out of the way!" he yelled, and raced for the restroom. Suddenly a large black van with the words "Shinjike-to" emblazoned on the side in gold characters pulled up. The van screeched to a halt near Yonude-san and suddenly four men emerged from the back of the van and descended on her.

"Ahhhhh!" she screamed. "Stewart, help me!" Stewart stopped dead in his tracks and wheeled around and watched the men attacking her with rather large mallets. He stared after her a moment, before turning back to face the bathroom door. The bubbling in his stomach resumed. He turned back and watched as Yonude-san punched two of the men simultaneously with three of her arms, while using the fourth to hold another at bay. Stewart gazed back and forth between Yonude-san's doomed struggle and the bathroom door and the relief that it promised. "Help!" Yonude-san screamed again, as finally the men began to overpower her and throw her into the back of the van. "Stewart!"

"Yonude-san!" he screamed in reply.

"Fizzle!"

"Yonude-san!"

"Tetsuo!"

"Kaneda!"

"Tetsuo!"

"Kagome!"

"Inuyasha!"

"Kagome!"

"Stewart!"

"Damn it all," he said under his breath, "I don't know what to do…She needs help, but I've got to take a massive shit man." Meanwhile, as he continued to be indecisive, and rotate his gaze between the struggle and the restroom, Yonude-san was finally subdued and the van began to drive away.

"Oh well," Stewart said, and began to turn and walk away. He took half a dozen steps before he stopped and thought to himself, "wait, there was something I was supposed to be doing…" Moments later a rather violent and audible gurgling from his bowels, coupled with a momentary loss of control in his pants reminded him and he rushed for the bathroom door. The sounds of his bodily relief could be heard throughout most of the campus. It was later rumored that the septic tank in the hall he was in had ruptured, which was entirely untrue.

End Transmission


End file.
